Slushygate & The Tactical Slushy Machine
We wish we came up with the term ‘Slushygate’, but we didn’t. That honor falls to some poor anonymous genius at the Sheriff’s Office working in the bowels of the agency with little to no recognition. But fear not, because here on DCSO Follies we recognize genius for what it is!
Slushygate is many things. It is of course a slushy machine, but it is oh so very much more. But let’s start at the beginning.
One day, amidst a particularly good day dream, a management wunderkind at the Sheriff’s office had an epiphany: Wouldn’t it be great to purchase a slushy machine costing thousands of dollars? Why yes it would! The community would love it. It would be a public relations bonanza. After all what says “We care” more than giving each and every one of the county’s thirsty souls a much needed cold and refreshing cherry and lime slushy on a sweltering summer day? (We could think of a couple of things such as safe streets and less crime, but then again we freely admit we are clueless idiots.) Besides it would be quite the treat in the office the other 360 days a year… or so the thinking went we’re sure.
Now, we are the first to say it is a wonderful idea for law enforcement to be present at community events and in fact to be a part of the community. It is something that has been missing for many decades as police remain firmly ensconced in their police cars remote from the communities which they serve.
That said, couldn’t you just rent a drinks machine for the few times a year when you need one? Ah what are we thinking? Screw it! it’s just taxpayer money right?
So without further ado and with much joy and celebration, a tactical slushy machine was added to the Sheriff’s Office annual budget proposal. Yay!
You, good reader, get a free slushy if you can guess who was sent forth to present this gem of a proposal to the County? You would be sipping your drink if you had read our last post because it was none other than “most favored son” Captain William “Billy” Bailey (We did tell you in our opinion Billy is not highly gifted in the IQ department).
Let’s face it, there’s no way Sheriff Shane was going to do this himself. We don’t blame him, we wouldn’t either. The good news for him is Billy is so desperate to become the next Sheriff he would do cartwheels down the side of Mount Bachelor in a clown suit if he thought it would help him get elected. (Billy it won’t, so don’t!)
What was equally surprising is the County approved it — albeit reluctantly. You would have thought it would have been met with a “Hell no!”, but there you have it. That said, We have to wonder if they approved the golf cart and generator that was later attached to the infamous tactical slushy machine.
What generator? What golf cart? we hear you exclaim. Actually it is a generator and golf carts, but more on the carts another day.
Before continuing, we are obliged to give credit where credit is due. As far as we can determine, the idea of strapping the tactical slushy machine and generator to a golf cart to zoom about delivering much needed slushies to citizens in a slushy-crisis is that of one Lieutenant Joe DeLuca (pictured right)… Joe we hope you’re not planning on chasing anyone soon!
As an aside “Teflon Joe” — As he is not fondly referred to at times — will be making regular appearances in our epic saga. Joe is just too much fun to ignore. He skulks about in the shadows with his fingers on many things… mostly the strings pulling on Billy Bailey. Yes we have much to say about Joe DeLuca, but we are getting far far ahead of ourselves.
Anyway back to the Slushymobile (that one we came up with!). So at great expense to you, the hard working tax payer, who lets face it no-one give a s**t about, the slushy machine was attached to a newly purchased golf cart to which a very nice Honda generator was also attached. Job done! Good to go! Fun times ahead!
Except based on our latest intelligence, the slushy machine is sadly broken. Turns out cops are not the best folk to run slushy machines. Well that was fun while it lasted. Maybe they’ll fix it, or maybe it will be cast aside like so many other toys.
We do however wonder if Joe is still driving the golf cart around the streets of LaPine in sad lament about the demise of the tactical slushy machine or if he has moved onto bigger and better things… Only time will tell!
We wanted to close this latest chapter by saying unequivocally there are many committed and dedicated sworn and non-sworn employees working at the Deschutes County Sheriff’s Office. They work long hours, put their lives at risk, and are dedicated and committed to their work and their community. In many cases they remain unrecognized, unappreciated, and often marginalized. The fact is they are, in many cases, frustrated. Case in point is the photo at left. We understand this image was circulating around the Sheriff’s office much to the chagrin of the command staff. Clearly folks within the Sheriff’s office find this whole affair unprofessional and beyond the pale. We here at DCSO Follies agree.
Unfortunately, the Sheriff’s office is served by an incompetent self-serving management team consisting, in large part, of an incestuous circle of cronies who alway, but always, place their careers and their welfare above that of their community and their employees. The community deserves better and their employees deserve better.
We must emphasize there are a number of good managers and leaders within the Sheriff’s Office. Regrettably they are marginalized and diminished with their voices being shut down at the highest levels of the command staff.
Again all this is just our opinion and as we always say: “We all know what opinions are like.”
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